Goodbye, Papang! ‘Til We Meet Again…

papang

A few hours after my last post, my father passed away. It’s something that we didn’t expect. My heart is broken.

How He Left Us

It was just like a normal day. In the morning, he went to my churchmate’s funeral (who was also my bestfriend’s mom). Then, he went to his brother’s birthday party in the afternoon together with my mother. They got home at about 6:00 PM. They brought home food and asked me if I wanted to eat with them but I was already full so I just stayed inside my room.

I was just blogging until I fell asleep. At about 10:00 PM, my mamang woke me up. My parents were both sleeping in the living room. They have their own mattress there. Mamang saw papang sleeping with his legs outside the mattress so she tried to wake him up but he was not responding. I went to the living room and tried to wake him up as well. I was already shouting his name. I was in panic so I asked my mamang to call someone to bring papang to the hospital. She went outside and there I was with my papang still waking him up. I placed my hand near his nose and mouth. He’s not breathing anymore. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ When we got to the hospital, he was already gone. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The Hardest Part

To be honest, I’m still not really in the mood to blog. I’m still sad. I know I’m supposed to be positive in all things but I’ll get to that later. I think what hurts me most is seeing my mother in pain for losing her husband. She has a lot of regrets and what-ifs. I always tell her not to blame herself. We were not all prepared because it was so sudden. My papang wasn’t even sick but God had scheduled papang to only live until August 25, 2014. He was happy and it was peaceful. My father didn’t like to be a burden to us when he gets older and he got what he wanted. I truly miss him but I avoid getting emotional around my mother. Another sad moment: my mamang celebrated her birthday last August 28 during my father’s wake.

Remembering Papang

Looking back, I blogged about my Papang three times. Join me in rereading these blog posts…

  • Papang’s Surgery at St. Luke’s – It’s one of the unforgettable experiences I have with him. We used to fight a lot when I was younger but I think I’ve now matured and during this moment, I was able to show him how much I cared for him.
  • Life Soundtrack: Not Too Close with Dad – This was then. I guess, you only realize things when a person is already gone. Before papang left, my priority was to please him and I felt his appreciation with the things I did for him. How I miss him.
  • The Great 8: Qualities I Admire From My Father –ย  I told myself that I will show him this post next year. Maybe, I was still not comfortable being expressive with him. That’s one thing I regret. I should have hugged him enough when he was still alive.

The Silver Linings

Despite the pain, I should focus on the bright sides…

  • We didn’t see him suffer. He died peacefully.
  • A lot of people told us how kind my father was. He was a good man.
  • Being a Christian, I know by faith that he is now in a better place.

Today, I’m still grieving but I know that God will use people and other situations to comfort me.

Have you lost a loved one? Please share your experience and how you were able to move on. Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

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34 thoughts on “Goodbye, Papang! ‘Til We Meet Again…

  1. flippyzipflop says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. Death is never easy. The way I look at it? We were all put here to fulfill a purpose. When we have completed our purpose, our name is called and we go back o that beautiful place in the sky where we can look over all our loved ones. He will be with you always. He sees your tears and he hears you cry. Don’t be sad. He’s not in any pain and he’s in a beautiful place. Know that he is just fine and focus on your mom. Grief is hard enough when it comes to losing your best friend. You just being there for her might be enough to get her through this. Again, I’m very sorry. I wish you all the best.
    ~Kate

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  2. Kat says:

    You have my deepest sympathy. I have not lost a parent so I don’t know how it feels but I imagine it’s very difficult. Take the time you need to grieve.

    I lost a good friend- she was like a 2nd mother to me. I like to think she’s out there somewhere watching and sharing my life.

    It’s never easy to lose someone you care about but it’s important to feel the loss, remember all the good things and maybe if you feel comfortable with it, share some of it with your mother.

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    • Wannie says:

      Last week, I was trying to comfort my friend who had just lost her mother. It was easy for me to say encouraging words but when I was already in the situation, I realized how hard it is. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ But you’re right, it’s better to remember the good things and instead of avoiding to be emotional, I guess talking about it helps.

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  3. Maria Brinkley says:

    So sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum in July 2010. It was the saddest thing. My mum was 87 years old. Mum had camellia trees in the garden that we all loved. My brother and I went to the beach after she was gone and threw camellias from the garden into the surf.

    Every year since Mum passed away we have gone to the beach and thrown camellias into the sea in July. Nothing replaces the one you love but a loved one stays with you forever. They never leave you.

    Sending you and your family thoughts and hugs at this time. Peace.

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  4. Chelle says:

    Wow Wannie, I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you and your family, you are in all my prayers. I hope you find comfort in the happy memories you have of him. Xxxxx

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  5. Abbie says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in January but it was somewhat expected after a long health battle. Nothing and no-one can prepare you for your grief journey which will be yours alone, like no other. Take one day at a time and look after yourself and your loved ones. And rest in the knowledge you will see your Papang in our eternal life xo

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  6. Joy says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a parent, so I don’t know exactly how you feel, but have lost all of my grandparents, and great grandparents, and many great aunts. It helps me to keep a token of theirs close to me. For instance, I wear my grandmother’s pinkie ring and when I have it on, I feel she is with me. I wish you and your family peace and comfort.

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    • Wannie says:

      I also have lost all of my grandparents and those were sad moments as well. But somehow, I knew those times would come because they were getting older. My papang was only 66 years old so it hurts more. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Our house and a lot of things in it were built by my papang and they all remind me of himโ€ฆ

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  7. amforte66 says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, Wax. This was a beautiful post you wrote in his honor as was your Father’s Day tribute. It is so clear the depth of feeling and love you have for both of your parents. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Hugs to you.

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  8. christinajavete says:

    Oh no, Wax! I’m so so so sorry for your loss. =( I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, I’m so sorry. I’m sending you my condolences, prayers for you and your family, and a big hug for comfort. Know that he’s in a better place like you said. May he rest in peace. God bless, Amen.<3

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  9. Jane Lorraine says:

    Wax, I’m late on this and apologize, but I wanted to make sure you knew how sorry I am for your loss! I have no idea how this feels and where you are right now with your emotions, but it looks like you have a lot of people who are sending you healing thoughts and keeping you in their prayers – including me. God bless you and your family. Be well!

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  10. prinispellantada says:

    Hey, Wax, my deepest condolences. I know it is hard. It only gets harder when every day in the least expected times, and in every nook of your house you will be reminded of him. Grieve all you can, because in grieving, you will find new strength to go on with life. After all, your father had a perfect purpose why he left, just as he had a perfect purpose why he existed.

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    • Wannie says:

      That is so true. When I go out there I’m still all-smiles but then suddenly, I remember him. I guess, it’s normal and I’m thankful that my mother and I still have that strength to go on with life. It’s just hard to miss someone you know you’ll never see again.

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  11. eunicesanmig says:

    I just ran into your blog and saw that you posted about your dad last September 9. My dad passed away on that day, 2 years ago. Like yours, it was also way too sudden. I’m not going to tell you that it’s okay, he’s in a better place and all those cliche. Just feel it, write it, whatever that helps you and eventually, you’ll just find yourself better. Hang in there! ๐Ÿ™‚

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