A few hours after my last post, my father passed away. It’s something that we didn’t expect. My heart is broken.
How He Left Us
It was just like a normal day. In the morning, he went to my churchmate’s funeral (who was also my bestfriend’s mom). Then, he went to his brother’s birthday party in the afternoon together with my mother. They got home at about 6:00 PM. They brought home food and asked me if I wanted to eat with them but I was already full so I just stayed inside my room.
I was just blogging until I fell asleep. At about 10:00 PM, my mamang woke me up. My parents were both sleeping in the living room. They have their own mattress there. Mamang saw papang sleeping with his legs outside the mattress so she tried to wake him up but he was not responding. I went to the living room and tried to wake him up as well. I was already shouting his name. I was in panic so I asked my mamang to call someone to bring papang to the hospital. She went outside and there I was with my papang still waking him up. I placed my hand near his nose and mouth. He’s not breathing anymore. 😦 When we got to the hospital, he was already gone. 😦
The Hardest Part
To be honest, I’m still not really in the mood to blog. I’m still sad. I know I’m supposed to be positive in all things but I’ll get to that later. I think what hurts me most is seeing my mother in pain for losing her husband. She has a lot of regrets and what-ifs. I always tell her not to blame herself. We were not all prepared because it was so sudden. My papang wasn’t even sick but God had scheduled papang to only live until August 25, 2014. He was happy and it was peaceful. My father didn’t like to be a burden to us when he gets older and he got what he wanted. I truly miss him but I avoid getting emotional around my mother. Another sad moment: my mamang celebrated her birthday last August 28 during my father’s wake.
Looking back, I blogged about my Papang three times. Join me in rereading these blog posts…
- Papang’s Surgery at St. Luke’s – It’s one of the unforgettable experiences I have with him. We used to fight a lot when I was younger but I think I’ve now matured and during this moment, I was able to show him how much I cared for him.
- Life Soundtrack: Not Too Close with Dad – This was then. I guess, you only realize things when a person is already gone. Before papang left, my priority was to please him and I felt his appreciation with the things I did for him. How I miss him.
- The Great 8: Qualities I Admire From My Father – I told myself that I will show him this post next year. Maybe, I was still not comfortable being expressive with him. That’s one thing I regret. I should have hugged him enough when he was still alive.
The Silver Linings
Despite the pain, I should focus on the bright sides…
- We didn’t see him suffer. He died peacefully.
- A lot of people told us how kind my father was. He was a good man.
- Being a Christian, I know by faith that he is now in a better place.
Today, I’m still grieving but I know that God will use people and other situations to comfort me.
Have you lost a loved one? Please share your experience and how you were able to move on. Thanks. 🙂